raph.ec

I will start this post by saying that right now, I am probably as far from suicidal as I have ever been, so if you care, dont worry, I am not about to off myself. I have a decent job, am building a house, have a wonderful relationship with a girl I love, and a fantastic family. Too much to live for right now, not enough to die for. However, it is at times like this, when I am not in the middle of a depressive maelstrom that are the best time for putting such things into perspective.

Several years ago, on Livejournal, I posted some thoughts on suicide. What follows is an updated look on those thoughts. I am aware that my opinions are not everyones opinions and if you disagree feel free to let me know.

The idea of suicide bears some contemplation. As someone who has been rather depressed often, it is something I have considered several times during the course of my life. There’s been occasions when I have even come rather close to acting upon the urges, though thankfully none recently.

I myself, have very little regard, and certainly no sympathy for anyone that commits suicide. Certainly I feel sorry for the people around them, but not for individual that commits the act. They have been selfish. They are the perpetrator not the victim. Some would say that they deserve pity because they were driven to suicide by depression or whatever, but hey they’ve gone and done the act, no need for pity now, they (unless the Christians – god bless em -are right) are no longer feeling any pain.

But aside from the fact that it is almost always a very selfish act, what is wrong with suicide? What gives anyone the right to tell someone not to kill themselves? Sure family and friends might be hurt and miserable about it, they have lost a loved one, but we have already established that the suicidee is behaving selfishly. Lets face it though, in life (and I suppose ultimately in death) sometimes being selfish is not so wrong. And real or not real, anyone feeling suicidal is obviously not enjoying life at that point, so isn’t it selfish of everybody else to expect them to stay around merely so they don’t feel a bit of grief?

.At what level of suffering or pain does suicide become alright? I’m definitely a believer in euthanasia, but where is the line drawn between physical pain, and mental anguish?

Having discussed the issue in the past with several friends, there are generally several objections people have to suicide. These are, in no particular order, what I believe those objections to be. If I have missed something, please leave a comment.

• Causing distress to friends and family
• Leaving behind unsettled affairs
• Giving up on potential
• Whatever ails (depression, physical pain etc), may be cured the day after suicide
• May be acting on distorted sense of perception
• Taboo

Causing distress to friends and family - is probably both the hardest and easiest point to consider. No one wants to cause hurt or hardship to their loved ones. But consider this, if none of the loved ones are dependants, is it not selfish of them to want the individual to remain in near constant suffering? At what point does it stop being the suicidees selfishness, and start being their right to be free of suffering?

Leaving behind unsettled affairs - I believe that committing suicide to escape a commitment or debt, is stupid. But leaving unsettled affairs behind on death is a fairly standard deal. While sure, there are some people who have organized their own funerals, pre-bought caskets, changed their mailing addresses and cancelled their credit cards before dying, lets face it, for most people, death is unexpected. If suicide were not considered to be such a heinous deed, potential suicidees would certainly have more of an advantage when it came to making sure the people they cared about at least could get some vague sense of completion.

Giving up on potential - Well, this is an interesting one. Potentially, every lottery ticket purchaser is a millionaire; potentially every person you meet could be a soul mate. Potentially, a meteor could hit the planet and we all could die. While it is true that sometimes, a massive turn around can occur, surely there is a time when one must consider the deal done, fate signed sealed and delivered. Potential, while a nice thing, is just potential. It is not a certainty; it may even be only a slim chance. Most people wouldn’t swim in shark infested waters, based on the potential that the sharks may all be full, and may potentially ignore them.

Whatever ails (depression, physical pain etc), may be cured the day after suicide - This point is mostly redundant after the last point, but I figured I would dwell on it for a moment. Depression is an illness, much like any other illness, it is believed that somewhere, somehow, there might be a cure. Personally I look forward to the day where maybe I can feel happy most of the time, or at least not sad (I am getting closer every day through hard work and caring friends). Whether through a pill, therapy, emotion transplant or just working on it. But like potential, there is only so much time that it should be expected for someone to wait on a cure. If the suffering is that bad, that often it is selfish to expect someone to stick around based on a ‘what if’. Sure a cure might be round the corner. They have been saying that about cancer, aids and even the common cold for ages now.

May be acting on distorted sense of perception - This is entirely possible. But however distorted individual perception might be, that is their perception. Our world is shaped by our individual perception. Just because someone’s perception is skewed, doesn’t mean it is any less real for them. If it has managed to remain skewed for a significant amount of time, then it’s probably not likely to change in an instant.

Taboo - Well yes, suicide is one of the ultimate taboos. But in some societies, alcohol is a taboo. Nowadays, we consider child molesting (and I very strongly agree with this) to be wrong, but a few hundred years ago, kids as young as 8 were being married off, sometimes to people as old as 40. Taboo is merely a perception implanted on us by society. Just because society says it is wrong, does not necessarily make it wrong.

I will conclude this by saying that if you are feeling suicidal, or even just very down, ask for help from trusted friends or family, or call a helpline, there are plenty of anonymous ones out there. I know the black hole that can surround you, but it is most likely an artificial structure. Besides, if you ask and no one gives you the help you need, theres always tomorrow, you can do it then. It may be a valid solution, but its a very very permanent one. Certainly, if when for instance making a big purchase such as a car or fridge, you are prepared to give it a few days consideration, perhaps giving the same amount of thought to such a final act will bring some clarity. Just remember, once its done, there is no cooling off period.